Reviving the True Islamic Approach to Marriage in South Africa

Marriage is meant to be a blessing, not a burden—a union built on faith, love, and mutual respect. Yet, in South Africa, as in many parts of the world, cultural expectations have overshadowed the simplicity and beauty of marriage in Islam.

From sky-high dowries (mahr) to extravagant wedding expenses, many families place unrealistic financial burdens on prospective grooms and their families. The result?

🚨 Delayed marriages due to financial struggles
🚨 Young couples starting their lives in debt
🚨 More emphasis on wealth than faith and character

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us a different model—one where taqwa (God-consciousness), character, and compatibility mattered more than money. If we want stronger marriages and healthier communities, we must revive the Prophetic approach and let go of harmful cultural practices.

Unrealistic Dowries: The Financial Barrier to Marriage

In Islam, the dowry (mahr) is a gift from the groom to the bride, meant to symbolize commitment, not a financial burden. The Prophet (PBUH) encouraged modest dowries, stating:

“The best marriage is the one that is easiest.” (Ibn Majah)

Yet, in South Africa, we often see:

💰 Families demanding excessive dowries—far beyond what the groom can afford.
💰 Some treating dowries as a business transaction, using it to measure the groom’s financial worth.
💰 Grooms forced into debt just to meet dowry expectations.

This is not Islam. This is culture.

The Financial Burden on Young Couples

With South Africa’s high unemployment rate (over 32%), many young men cannot afford marriage due to unrealistic financial demands. Instead of encouraging halal unions, society makes marriage feel impossible.

💡 Solution: Simplify the dowry. Follow the example of the Prophet (PBUH), who allowed marriages with whatever the groom could afford—even a simple ring.

Extravagant Weddings are they a Status Symbol or a Sunnah?

Weddings in South Africa have become a display of wealth rather than a sacred contract. Many families feel pressured to:

🚨 Host lavish receptions that cost thousands of rands
🚨 Spend excessively on clothing, venues, and catering
🚨 Compete with others in “who had the better wedding”

The Prophet (PBUH) warned against such extravagance, reminding us that simplicity is key:

“The most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenses.” (Ahmad, Ibn Hibban)

The Wedding Debt Trap

Many newlyweds in South Africa start their lives in financial stress because they (or their families) take loans to fund a dream wedding. Instead of focusing on building a stable home, they spend years paying off wedding debts.

💡 Solution: Focus on barakah, not luxury. A wedding should be about family, faith, and love—not impressing society.

Marrying for Wealth & Status Instead of Deen & Character

Too often, parents reject potential spouses because they:

❌ Don’t have a high-paying job yet
❌ Come from a less “prestigious” family background
❌ Cannot afford a big house or expensive car

This contradicts the teachings of Islam. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“If a man whose religion and character please you proposes marriage, marry him. If you do not, there will be corruption and great mischief on earth.” (Tirmidhi)

Yet, today we see:

💰 Families prioritizing money over piety
💰 Young women pressured to marry for financial security rather than love and compatibility
💰 Marriages built on materialism rather than spiritual connection

Marriage as a Financial Escape

Many South African women face economic hardship, leading to a culture where marriage is seen as an escape from financial struggle. Instead of looking for a partner in faith and life, some are forced to seek a provider only—leading to unhappy, unstable marriages.

💡 Solution: Marry for deen and character first. A spouse who fears Allah will always strive to fulfill their responsibilities, no matter their financial status.

The Harmful Delay of Marriage

Because of these cultural barriers—unrealistic dowries, extravagant weddings, and financial expectations—many young Muslims delay marriage for years, even decades.

“O young people, whoever among you can afford to marry should do so.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Yet, today, we tell young men:

❌ “You must have a house and car first.”
❌ “You need to be fully financially secure.”
❌ “You need to pay a large dowry.”

This is not the Sunnah.

The Rise of Haram Relationships

When marriage is delayed due to financial or cultural barriers, many young people fall into haram relationships—because society makes halal difficult but haram easy.

💡 Solution: Encourage early, simple marriages. Instead of delaying unions, families should help facilitate marriage in a way that is financially and spiritually sustainable.

How Do We Revive the Prophetic Model of Marriage?

💡 1. Simplify the Dowry – It should be a gift, not a financial burden.
💡 2. Cut Unnecessary Wedding Expenses – A simple nikaah is more blessed than a lavish event.
💡 3. Prioritize Deen & Character Over Wealth & Status – Money comes and goes, but taqwa remains.
💡 4. Encourage Early & Accessible Marriages – Remove financial and cultural obstacles that delay marriage.
💡 5. Support Young Couples – Instead of burdening them, help them build a stable future together.

The Change Starts With Us

🚨 The reality is this: Many young South African Muslims want to get married but feel financially and culturally trapped.

📢 We must break this cycle.

💡 If we return to the Sunnah, we can create a society where marriage is:

✅ Easy, not impossible
✅ Built on faith, not materialism
✅ A source of barakah, not debt

Will we revive the Prophetic model of marriage, or will we continue making marriage difficult?